preferably-unwanted-papers.

you love yourself in the same time as you hate yourself.

there is no logical explanation for this kind of emotional feeling. and because of such an illogical feeling which has no specific reason or any exact main problem, a valid antidote for this cause should be a logical stuffs. well, here's the thing.

the main idea is, you have to look for another emotional feeling that could covers your unwanted emotions. a better perspective which suits yourself even better. a persona. a character. an essential figure that you need rather than just a desire. something. or someone who you can run to and be truly honest about you between your own uncertainty. sounds easy. hard to do. correct. but that's how logical things work isn't that?

alternatively, there should be a solid comprehension that there is no missing memories inside your subconscious. all of those old phases you've been through, will always be there, written, sheet per sheet, laying inside your ‘forgotten era’ like a pile of papers. it will always being stacked up by another new layer of moments, day after day, every single time. 

but somehow, by the force of written streets you've passed before, or the vibe of an afternoon cafe you've spend your time with. would remind you unintentionally about the core memories on how you went through those places. recalling all the lower layers straight to your exact upper mind. flying like a butterfly of long lost souls. a dazzling smile of past times. or a sequence of nightmare tragedies. it was.

cut it off. those papers don't belong to be in your present anymore. then that's all you have to do, as a secondary shield of your sanity. be content about who you are, not who you were. always put your new sheet over those old stories and let them go lower in your pile of memories until you don't realize, that you had those old preferably-unwanted-papers once.